balanced equation

time changes more
than your yearly score
this you-and-me thing
sings a dying ring
the dark aching rain
is a subconscious pain
i thought i was fine
its a failure of mine
If love doesn't prize
life doesn't compromise.

while i stand on the veranda,
with nothing much to do,
i like stepping on the ants
and leave them so very few...
with the music depressing and brown,
playing in the back and ground,
quarrelsome babel
fighting peaceful sounds...
the gates wide open as if
waiting for someone to come,
but there's only talk of leaving
till someone can succumb...

fear

What if I die,
without being able,
to plant you in my desert,,
What if I die,
of thirst and thirst,
and thirst and "and",,
What if I die,
thinking that I,
should have lived,,
What if I die,
and then not,
get covered by sand.

expectation

So many times i got to sleep
and hope that i never wake up,
faces have changedin all these years
but its the same colour behind the make up.
And silver nails
on small pink hands
beat the life out of me that i'm making,
It's not half as much fun
in making love
when just one of us is faking.

the big picture

in the big picture of evolution and genesis, my dna is not even a point. so my aspirations, which crumble me now, are, in the big picture, meaningless. the sad thing is that being mortal, i have more concern for the meanings in this short life, than on the larger scale. i am repeatedfly confronted with the question that do i have the make up of an individual who has evolved, or do i belong to the group which has the classic dna. everybody knows that mutated dna might be more benefecial......provided the condition that makes it useful presents itself. strangely, i find myself preoccupeid with only one thought at this time of trouble, the thought of propagation. the desire to ensure the continuation of my line, my being, my set of genetic meterial. i obviously wonder whether i really am worth that or not. being the pedantic soldier of science, there is no remorse in me for acknowledgements of truth, even if they turn out to belittle my self supposed magnified status. unfortunately there are no audits possible in this area existence, which would demarcate whether or not you are worthy of being carried forward. theoretiacally i have little doubt that a randomised controlled trial is possible which could discern the fillers from the tillers. hard as i may try to subscribe to be a tiller, could it be that i am not given to perform that job? like the drones in a beehive, maybe i am just the impotent worker bee, ah but what an intriguing pattern it reveals. the fruit of reproduction is reserved for only the bees which are thought to be capable, who have a make up that is worthy. others are mere workers, who must toil for the common good of the hive. needless to say, there no Bee Rights groups outside the queen bees residence demanding equal rights for all bees......but to get back to the front, i myself am an experiment. This scientific temper which fills me forces me to make myself an observational study, for my lifetime, to see which rung i get alloted in the evolution ladder. its a completely biased trial, unblinded, prospective and no doubt, interesting, if this blog exists till the end.

mist of someones mind

....it is never easy to hide your feelings about what goes in the mist of others minds, but the toughest thing is to keep you head empty of things you would like to think about when no one is looking.

....this quick thinking can give you the ability to disclose the deepest feelings which you only thought about, but never brought to your tongue because of an inner fear of repulsion at the thought of someone molesting your thoughts

....if the sun were to keep shining then it would never strike you that what you do everyday is of no concern to the mystery of the universe, that the only thing you care about is not what you have, but what you think you have

....the curtain on the window gives a feeling of security where there should be none, but who can dispute the effects of the mind on things and newtons law of reaction to that, even when it brings the security into question

....the hum of the machine may be telling you something, you just don’t have the ears for it, or maybe you are wanting to listen to some hidden music, or revelation that will give you superhuman powers

....a pack of crisps is not just a pack of crisps, but a complete mathematical function, with intricate physics governing its very existence, confusing chemical reactions holding it together, particle physics and quantum mechanics in its soul, does it realise these things as it lies there ,listlessly and stares back at me

....as time goes by you are forced to think about its being, is it really a field, because if it is, then it should be reasonable to imagine that you can manipulate that field with the use of some appropriate force, which we are yet to find, or know too well but haven’t thought that way before

....the connection of colour to the mood is so subtle that the wrong coloured car you bought could make you start hating going to work in it but its not the work or the car thats bad, but the colour, or is it the colour, becuase it could be some neuron in your head which is just exhausted, can you tame that neuron

....like a virus, happiness is self detonating, it carries in itself a clock which beeps every now and then to tell you that there is a limit to pleasure, so you know you can multiply this happiness virus only to a certain extent, after which it will start devouring itself

....can a flame burn for years and years and not turn into a fire or is it imperative that you really can make virtually anything happen by simply inflating probability to such an extreme that statistics is transformed into fate

breadcrumb

i'll take from you
what resembles me most
and leave the restfor your next host
but try not to laugh
when you realise
that all you have left
are tears in your eyes
so buy all you can
before your money runs out
'cause with nothing to sell
you'll be no one about.